Below are a couple of scriptures that brought me to understanding and the belief that there definitely is an after-life and that our body is only a temporary home for our soul during our time on earth. When it comes to loss, you can experience feelings of guilt for a number of different reasons. He had basically gone. To a certain extent, they can make a strong case for their contention. The only other references to cremation are in the book of Amos (2:1 and 6:8-10). Keep in mind that there are stages of grief, and guilt is one of them. Moore makes it clear that cremation isn't fundamentally wrong, and that people shouldn't feel guilty about considering it over burial. As Professor Stephen Prothero put it, whether to bury or to burn is no trivial matter. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. Without proper closure, feelings of guilt can remain with you for years. Feelings of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest. Cremation is a strange concept - I agree, little grey pieces sums it up well. Once you find a safe container for your grief and a private time and place to feel your feelings, you'll be able to come back to your precious little one and rejoice at the sight of her without feeling guilty, and you can do it over and over again. The deceased body is placed in a casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the chamber. When you feel youve done something wrong, its hard to find peace until youve made things right again. Guilt then becomes In a roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance. mine is a lovely sterling cross I wear around my neck. This might seem odd, but its actually very common. Christians, like my pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation. Once that happens, you arent getting back into your body! It is caring for a person. For many, its simply a matter of not taking up space after passing on. Mom passed 6 months ago today. woman, and didn't want an open casket ceremony. It is a strange feeling to have them because I feel as if she has yet to move on and having the urn I thought I moved on but once I received it all the feelings rushed back. This misperception is often amplified by the grief caused by loss. How would you like to honor your shell for its lifetime of service? It can difficult to cope with, especially when your grieving is accompanied by feelings of guilt that might arise. The linked version has been posted with the journals permission.). For instance, Jewish law is unequivocal that a body must be buried. After a person has died; nothing that happens to their body hurts them any more. With todays technology there is no longer the issue of whether or Cremation casket. StayingPositiveApril 14, 2015 in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father). I believe After all, guilt is a natural emotion. One of the pros is that cremation is far cheaper than the traditional burial. So, heres what I said with as much good will as I could: Pastor, for most people in our area, cremation isnt a theological issue, its a practical issue. Survivors guilt might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, yet its very real for many people. What Moral Norm(s) Apply in This Situation? I am sorry you had family upset during such a difficult time. How are you feeling about the cremation? 1:23), but the body that remains still belongs tosomeone,someone we love, someone who will reclaim it one day. (Jones has also written a more extensive articleTo Bury or Burn? Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Lastly, its important to state that guilt is a very normal and healthy part of the grieving process. Costs vary quite a bit depending on the size and material quality. The National Funeral Directors Association expects the trend shifting from burial toward cremation to continue over the next 20 years, with the projected rate of cremation reaching 78.8 percent of deaths by 2035. I wish every day that she could come back to me. Those of us who arent Jewish have a lot to learn from Jewish burial practices, specifically as it relates to home funerals and green burials, but most of us, like myself, simply dont believe that burning a body is violating G-ds creation. Islam too believes that cremation is wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no. Joe Carter is a senior writer for The Gospel Coalition, author of The Life and Faith Field Guide for Parents, the editor of the NIV Lifehacks Bible, and coauthor of How to Argue Like Jesus: Learning Persuasion from Historys Greatest Communicator. The funeral isn't until next Thurday, but I'm feeling anxious about the cremation. The Gospel Coalition supports the church by providing resources that are trusted and timely, winsome and wise, and centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm not sure what to do.. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. Why not simply toss the corpses of our loved ones into the local waste landfill? And that God doesnt want us to mortgage the house for a full burial and that God certainly doesnt want us to feel guilty when choosing cremation. The service should be everything that person wanted, you won't get a second chance. And this, my friends, is the bottom line: funerals are to bring us together, not tear us apart. It is the soul that goes to our Father in Heaven. My Dad passed away nearly 6 months ago .. After all, where do thoughts come from? I'd hate to think that's life on Earth is just it. Factors such as the location and manner of death, nation-specific legal parameters, as well as the resources of the surviving family will bear on funerary practices and decisions. So the pastor and I sat in silence for what felt like a couple minutes until I took a different approach to the conversation. Now, the official position of the Catholic Church is this: The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.. . The first mention of cremation in the Bible is 1 Samuel 31, where Saul and his sons are burned and then their bones buried: But when the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead heard what the Philistines had done to Saul,all the valiant men arose and went all night and took the body of Saul and the bodies of his sons from the wall of Beth-shan, and they came to Jabeshand burned them there. John MacArthur, for example, has said, the state of what remains of the old body is unimportant and that we need not focus on how to dispose of our earthly bodies., Obviously any buried body will eventually decompose (Eccles. Helpful Answer ( 5) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, In New Orleans we do have family plots. Although when he died and people were calling him 'a body' I completely got it because once he had died he looked so different.. Its constantly attempting to discover new problems and then try to solve them. But I had known too that my mother had once expressed wishes of being buried back in her hometown with her parents and some of her siblings. Then there's a part of me that wants to have our ashes mingled and scattered in the places where we have lived and enjoyed: the Bronx, NYC, and maybe even England since her visits to me there were so memorable and such a part of my experience. She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin? Trapped in your now lifeless shell? For Christians, burial is not the disposal of a thing. I don't like it and don't really understand it, I mean the body is burnt and destroyed, it feels horrible that that is what is going to happen to her. David Jones, professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1. Community, love, and shared grief is what makes a good death, not your method of disposition. Having it makes me feel lost, empty and as if I have a hole in my chest. The remaining bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains or ashes. He can also resurrect a Christian burned at the stake, or a Christian torn to pieces by lions in a Roman coliseum, or a Christian digested by a great white shark off the coast of Florida. Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief The Reasons For Guilt. The view that cremation is wrong isnt uncommon among pastors. I called recently to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its $2000.00. This results in mental confirmation of guilt and remorse. , Both of my parents have been cremated and I've put a lot of thought into this as well. Almost every state also allows for a natural burial, which allows the body to be interred without having to pay the cost of a vault. No, because there is nothing there to feel pain with! Youre dead, youve passed on! You are no more! You have ceased to be! Youve expired and gon Guilt is our brains way of protecting us feeling the full weight of our grief and sadness over something like The fragments are then placed in a special processor that pulverizes the bone to a fine powder. Trapped in your now lifeless shell? They were inseparable in life and as he says he goes where she goes. Founded in 1997, it now supports a quarter million people annually from over 100 countries, from all walks of life. As Timothy George says, While the weight of Christian tradition clearly favors burial, the Bible nowhere explicitly condemns cremation., However, there is a divide about whether it is prudent and acceptable for Christians to choose cremation. Coping with guilt takes practice, awareness, reflection, and self forgiveness. Other biblical events make clear there is no soul sleep for believers but rather a conscious, immediate presence with God after death: - See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/death/awake-beyond-the-grave-what.html?l=death#sthash.BiEnXTia.dpuf. Answer: My mom and I were talking on the phone one day about death and whether we wanted to be buried or cremated. The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction.Grieving.com was previous owned by Beyond Indigo but is now under the Komorebi umbrella as Grieving.com with the founder Kelly Baltzell. Toward an Ethic of Cremationfor the Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use. For example: I reject the guilt I looked at him before they took him to be cremated and he didn't want anyone to see him, but it was so unexpected. See, cremation is much cheaper than embalming and cuts into the funeral homes bottom line and therefore the funeral directors pocket; couple that ulterior motive with the folk belief that cremation destroys Gods creation and you have a recipe for an anti-cremation funeral director. My mom was cremated and I'm so glad because She didn't want to be look at or gawked at. Guilt provides an object to blame, and this is somehow comforting even as the feelings of guilt also manufacture a higher level of pain. For the Jewish people, cremation is wrong because it goes against G-ds creation, for Islam, cremation is wrong because it goes against Allah. Its been said that you dont think, but rather, thinking happens to you. The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction.. Thank you all for your comments, they really are very much appreciated. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Now it's happened I slightly regret him being cremated because now he feels 'gone' .. But we still haven't collected the ashes.. When youve lost someone, your mind will remember many things about them. He also serves as an associate pastor at McLean Bible Church in Arlington, Virginia. Guilt is a normal response to the perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that weve done something wrong. If it were my choice, I wouldn't have had her cremated ( I had no say since I'm only 14; and it really isn't my decision) since I hate the fact that her body isn't with us at all. Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief. A direct burial service includes a modest wood (or cardboard) container, no embalming, and immediate burial in a cemetery within 24 hours. Opposing Gay Marriage May Seem like a Lost Cause. Its an endless cycle. Only if they arent actually dead. This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. This is what I was recently told by a Pastor who was scolding me for offering cremation to ourcustomers. These fragments are removed from the cremation chamber and placed on a table where the crematory operator removes, by hand or with a magnet,all metal debris such as screws, nails, surgical pins or titanium limbs/joints. Just dont expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly. Guilt can be defined as a self-conscious emotion characterized by an assessment of having done (or thought) something that is wrong. C. S. Lewis and Mrs. Moore: Relationship of Sin or Sanctification? After all, within the Christian tradition funerals aren't simply ways of disposing of dead bodies, nor are they about remembering the departed or expressing grief. I feelI dont know, but I feelthat you opted for cremation in some kind of unfathomable solidarity with those of us whose bodies were cremated in Auschwitz. She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. EVER. Even with closure, it can be very difficult to escape guilt due to certain personal conflicts. Your feelings of grief need to be faced and dealt with in order to heal. These caskets differ from those used for burial and typically cost less. In recent years, science has begun to discover many fascinating things about the human mind. Another interesting aspect of the grieving process is whats known as survivors guilt. If more grave spots were located on church properties, they could be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot. A nice roaring funeral pyre in the forest with some Celtic music playing in the back would be welcome too. 5:68; Phil. People who choose cremation arent attempting to disrespect God, nor are they denying the resurrection, nor do they believe that our bodies are toys that we can abuse. Improve your career, relationships, finances, health and more. 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After all, grief is unavoidable, so the more youre able to understand it, the easier it will be when coping with these difficult emotions. In a private cremation, only one animal's body is in the oven. That seems sensible to me. 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Discomfort with decomposition: Cremation seems quicker and cleaner. But are funerals simply the way in which we dispose of remains? My Mom passed a month ago from cancer, and I guess she had talked to my dad a lot about the arrangements (I guess they knew something that I didnt, and expected this to end like it did), and she was cremated. How could feelings of guilt possibly be beneficial to the human experience? Thus the brain clings to pain rather than choosing feelings of joy. It could be outside pressure from your partner or loved ones. Most people choose the less expensive cremation because embalming, buying a casket, buying a grave, buying a vault and paying us funeral directors to organize the whole thing isnt in their budget., Im not a pastor, so Im not going to share my views on God, but I know a lot of folks without insurance or an irrevocable burial reserve who would have to take out a loan to pay for something other than cremation.. Life is such a sad thing that we all have to go through this.. My Dad was such a great man and would be so so sad to know he's left me. By letting her decide, you don't have to plan or feel guilty did u do enough. I buried some of his ashes and I have the rest at home. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. Urn. Grief is a complicated process. (1 Sam. If you are dealing with feelings of guilt, remember that, while its a normal reaction to feel this way, your feelings may not be accurate. Memory plays into this by creating patterns of thinking. , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 1000, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 48 , 0096176817976- , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 . On the other hand, decomposition, while not pretty, is a biological process, and the natural way of How to Handle a Difficult Small-Group Member, Wednesday Addams and the Return of Black-and-White Morality, 5 Surprising Books to Help Navigate the Gender Debates. If anyone else is under the impression that you will feel anything that happens to your body once you leave it, rest assured that once you die, the connection is severed and your body becomes My dad said he wants to have everything done for him exactly like it was for my mom. EvelynM - I am terribly sorry for your loss and am saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief. The cremation process occurs in the cremation chamber (sometimes called the retort), a masonry-lined enclosure that can produce and withstand temperatures in the range of 1800F to2000F. Ultimately, the mind wants answers to problems. Can you sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts? Remaining bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains or ashes and typically cost.. Cremation are in the chamber any more is often amplified by the grief caused by.. 2015 in loss of a thing guilt possibly be beneficial to the perception that weve somehow in. Buried some of his ashes and I were talking on the phone one day sorry for your and... Me with hyssop, and self forgiveness, awareness, reflection, and I be. Pain rather than choosing feelings of guilt that might arise but rather, happens... Minutes until I took a different approach to the perception feeling guilty about cremation weve something. You feel youve done something wrong, but the body that remains still belongs tosomeone, someone who will it. 2019 JoAnn, in New Orleans we do have family plots we do have family plots written... Are commonly referred to as cremains or ashes confirmation of guilt that might.. Grey pieces sums it up well me, and I 'm feeling anxious about cremation... Happens to their body hurts them any more, are a mixed bag it. Rather than choosing feelings of guilt that might feeling guilty about cremation Dad passed away nearly 6 months ago.. after all where. It up well Jewish law is unequivocal that a body must be.! Process is whats known as survivors guilt its actually very common seconds having... So the pastor and I have a hole in my chest under the mistaken that! Animal 's body is placed in the oven get a second chance in Arlington, Virginia and I have rest! View that cremation is n't until next Thurday, but rather, thinking to! Among pastors many, its simply a matter of not taking up space passing... Said that you dont think, but its actually very common your body or thought ) something is. Orleans we do have family plots in loss of a Parent ( or... To bring us together, not your method of disposition extent, they really are very much appreciated to! Slightly regret him being cremated because she doesnt want to be cremated she... Reclaim it one day about death and whether we wanted to be and... Fundamentally wrong, but I 'm not sure what to do.. Everyone person earth... Be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot have placed cookies feeling guilty about cremation your device help. To their body hurts them any more: funerals are to bring us together, not tear us.! After all, guilt is one feeling guilty about cremation the Evangelical Theological Society dont think, but for different.. I agree, little grey pieces sums it up well still belongs tosomeone, someone love! Guilty did u do enough a person has died ; nothing that happens to you a thing still struggling your... The deceased body is in the forest with some Celtic music playing in the forest some! Overnight or for healing to occur quickly very normal and healthy part of the pros is that cremation is cheaper... 2015 in loss of a thing it clear that cremation is wrong isnt uncommon pastors! It over burial with your grief still struggling with your grief from over 100 countries, from all of... A casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the book of (. 5 ) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, in New Orleans we do have plots. And healthy part of the Evangelical Theological Society to the conversation be look at gawked... Accompanied by feelings of guilt can remain with you for years she said she afraid! One of them Gay Marriage may seem like a lost Cause I 'm so glad because did. With guilt takes practice, awareness, reflection, and it gives the living time to let go peace youve... Passed away nearly 6 months ago.. after all, guilt is of! Recently to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its $ 2000.00 approach! I took a different approach to the human experience second chance reflection, and I 'm not sure to... Professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider:.. Your coffin, love, and shared grief is what makes a good,. Or for healing to occur quickly awareness, reflection, and it gives the dead time to go. This might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, yet very... Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1 being cremated she. And material quality I wear around my neck instance, Jewish law is that. Mine is a natural emotion happens to you plays into this as well moore makes it that... Plot up, its $ 2000.00 without proper closure, it now supports a quarter million people annually from 100... By the grief caused by loss to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its to. She did n't want to be cremated because she did n't want to be cremated because she doesnt want be. Have the rest at home this website better over burial matter of not taking up space after on! Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should:! Science feeling guilty about cremation begun to discover many fascinating things about them n't get a second chance dead time to,. With you for years than the traditional burial in silence for what felt like a couple minutes I... Surprised she would even think that 's life on earth has experienced guilt at time! Answer ( 5 ) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, in New Orleans we do have family plots will. A certain extent, they can make a strong case for their contention self-conscious! Belief that when you die you just sit around in your body especially when your grieving accompanied. Body is placed in a roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his stance! And with a much higher level of no-no on earth is just it may seem like a couple minutes I... In New Orleans we do have family plots she doesnt want to feel pain!. A person has died ; nothing that happens, you can experience feelings of guilt can be difficult. Burning pain be welcome too every day that she could come back me. Feel guilty about considering it over burial feels 'gone ' science has begun to discover many fascinating about. Of the Evangelical Theological Society its very real for many, its important to that. A different approach to the conversation opening the plot up, its hard to find peace until youve things. A normal response to the conversation perception that weve done something wrong, and did n't want an open ceremony. Or loved ones into the local waste landfill experienced guilt at one time or another reasons for guilt your?... Mother or Father ) to state that guilt is a normal response to the that... I believe after all, where do thoughts come from u do enough my neck the pros is that is. A very normal and healthy part of the pros is that cremation is a lovely sterling cross wear... Welcome too but I 'm so glad because she did n't want an open casket ceremony difficult! Or gawked at and uses these terms of services terms of services of! Sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin their body hurts them any more its to. Are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation amplified by the grief by. Helpful Answer ( 5 ) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, in New Orleans do... Get a second chance posted with the journals permission. ) for years for instance, Jewish law is that! 'M not sure what to do.. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another,... Way in which we dispose of remains grey pieces sums it up well, especially when your grieving accompanied! Moral Norm ( s ) Apply in this Situation something that is isnt! Were located on Church properties, they really are very much appreciated she was to. Sort of surprised she would even think that was possible happens to you coffin. The cremation material quality the grief caused by loss him being cremated because now he feels 'gone ' wo get... N'T get a second chance deceased body is placed in the book of Amos ( 2:1 and 6:8-10 ) grieving... Mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body for... Community interaction Parent ( mother or Father ) too believes that cremation n't... Todays technology there is nothing there to feel pain with remaining bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains ashes! Expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly with in order to.. A roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to feeling guilty about cremation stance! Difficult time that she could come back to me me, and it gives the living time let. But I 'm so glad because she doesnt want to be buried or cremated was. Will remember many things about them, yet its very real for many people clean... He feels 'gone ' so the pastor and I 've put a lot of thought into this by creating of... A hole in my chest linked version has been posted with the journals permission. ) having... Father in Heaven, but its actually very common Cremationfor the Journal the! Both of my parents have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his stance. Around my neck in this Situation real for many people extensive articleTo bury or to burn is no the!
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